Parents not Present

Disclaimer: This is a spoken word piece. A video of me performing it, in collaboration with RoCMdance, will be below. 

Mama can you feed me, Daddy can you hold my hand*

I'm 

fighting these battles inside

constant dry tears in my eyes

keep my composure

in order to lie.

Gotta hide the truth

keep it hidden deep down inside

Don't wanna reveal the child
that feels she's the child

still awaiting her parents arrival.

Had my big brother tell me how my daddy,
beat my mama like she
was his rival.

Scary thing about this 

is this all took place 

while I was inside her 

I mean

Maybe 

just maybe 

They didn't want me 

because 

he

beat her 

and each and every time

she

chose to stay. 

Ma'ma can you feed me*

I remember. 

I remember being hungry

for your love and wishing you were always open to my hugs

but you desired a different kind of touch.

You constantly went searching for Him, no Him, no Him, no Him...

Left me

and my 3 brothers 

feeling like our love

was never quite good enough

but I realize now

that we were too much;

us combined formed a love that your hands couldn't even touch.

Daddy can you hold my hand*

You. 

You gave me music 

when I was in my mama's womb

but then you left when I was maybe one or two

used to listen to the tapes you made me and wonder how a voice so beautiful 

could make me feel so angry!

Your voice 

was my definition of music

but you left bruises

you left bruises on my mother 

and even though they may have faded before I was born

they remained and helped to color your name in with hate.

Growing up

I could see that she resented you.

Growing up

I constantly felt compelled to defend you

you; a man I barely even knew.

I try.

I try and give them 

the benefit of the doubt 

but for too many years

I've been waiting for them to straighten out 

and time

time is running out

I see 

Mountains up ahead 

got a trek here on my hands

a long hard journey

Parents not present

yeah that's a sad story

but I know 

I ain't the only kid that's been force fed that bedtime story

I'm tired

of disappointment

lack of tender love 

and devotion

All these dry tears, I'm drowning in a sandy ocean

I just wanna touch greatness! 

Been asking myself for so many years,

"if I was a mistake

why do I feel like I'm supposed to be here?"

I'm supposed to be here!

I wanna touch lives

be heard

amongst all the thunder

because I was not a mistake

I fought long and hard to reach that egg of life and

here I stand today

To say

Parents,

Parents Not Present,

Feed your child what they need

Teach them what it means to be worthy of respect 

because you see 

A child will never request perfection

just for you to be absolutely

Present.

.

Disclaimer regarding the video: 

 The poem has been edited since the video was recorded so the words you see here may not completely match the words spoken within the video (changes made mostly towards the beginning and end of the piece). I hope you are still able to take something away from both.