Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Parents not Present

Disclaimer: This is a spoken word piece. A video of me performing it, in collaboration with RoCMdance, will be below. 

Mama can you feed me, Daddy can you hold my hand*

I'm 
fighting these battles inside
constant dry tears in my eyes
keep my composure
in order to lie.
Gotta hide the truth
keep it hidden deep down inside
Don't wanna reveal the child
that feels she's the child
still awaiting her parents arrival.
Had my big brother tell me how my daddy, beat my mama like she, was his rival.
Scary thing about this 
is this all took place 
while I was inside her 
I mean
Maybe 
just maybe 
They didn't want me 
because 
he
beat her 
and 
each and every time
she
chose to stay. 

Ma'ma can you feed me*

I remember. 
I remember being hungry
for your love and wishing you were always open to my hugs
but you desired a different kind of touch
You constantly went searching for Him, no Him, no Him, no Him...
Left me
and my 3 brothers 
feeling like our love
was never quite good enough
but I realize now
that we were too much;
us combined formed a love that your hands couldn't even touch.

Daddy can you hold my hand*

You. 
You gave me music 
when I was in my mama's womb
but then you left when I was maybe one or two
used to listen to the tapes you made me and wonder how a voice so beautiful 
could make me feel so angry!
Your voice 
was my definition of music
but you left bruises
you left bruises on my mother 
and even though they may have faded before I was born
they remained and helped to color your name in with hate.
Growing up
I could see that she resented you.
Growing up
I constantly felt compelled to defend you
you; a man I barely even knew.

I try.
I try and give them 
the benefit of the doubt 
but for too many years
I've been waiting for them to straighten out 
and time
time is running out
I see 
Mountains up ahead 
got a trek here on my hands
a long hard journey
Parents not present
yeah that's a sad story
but I know 
I ain't the only kid that's been force fed that bedtime story

I'm tired
of disappointment
lack of tender love 
and devotion
All these dry tears, I'm drowning in a sandy ocean
I just wanna touch greatness! 
Been asking myself for so many years,
"if I was a mistake
why do I feel like I'm suppose to be here?"
I'm supposed to be here!

I wanna touch lives
be heard
amongst all the thunder
because I was not a mistake
I fought long and hard to reach that egg of life and
here I stand today
To say
Parents,
Parents Not Present,
Feed your child what they need
Teach them what it means to be a being worthy of respect 
because you see 
A child will never request perfection
just for you to be absolutely

Present.
.
Disclaimer regarding the video: 
 The poem has been edited since the video was recorded so the words you see here may not completely match the words spoken within the video (changes made mostly towards the beginning and end of the piece). I hope you are still able to take something away from both.







6 comments:

  1. Yolanda, this is freaking great. Really touched home here. <3

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    Replies
    1. Thank you :) yea this is just the poem itself .... The performance is something totally different... I thought it was something i had to write and share and i dont regret doing so.

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  2. So beautiful! You're very talented, keep it up and I hope you go forward with poetry :) xo

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