Why are so Many Cis Men Threatened by Femme Energy?

I was talking to a guy last week (we'll call him Jim) who is happily married (this will be important later). Jim was telling me how he started going to the gym with one of his friends, who happens to be a woman (we'll call her Jen). I've met Jen, she is very athletic and fit (some might even call her extremely masculine).

Anyways, Jim told me that he enjoys hanging out with Jen because nothing she does is done in an effort to attract men (paraphrased version of what he said). This raised flags in my mind and I began to see where the conversation was headed (Womp! Womp!). He went on to describe things such as, her (masculine) walk, build, and outer appearance/style. At this point in our conversation, my brain began to analyze what I felt lingered beneath what he was saying. Being that I've known Jim for quite awhile (understatement), I found that I was able to connect his statements to other things I'd heard him say about women in the past.

After doing so, I realized: "Holy shit! He's threatened by (women's) femme energy..."
Now hear me out (or not, w.e lol)...
After formulating this thought, I tried to come up with reasons why.
Said reasons include:
1. He's married and doesn't want to be in a situation where he may feel compelled to cheat on his wife.
2. He's been manipulated by women who've used their femme energy against him (possibly on multiple different occasions).
3.He doesn't like feeling like his masculinity is being challenged or tested.

What really struck me was the way Jim's language did strategic work to not only highlight Jen's masculine traits, but to completely erase/ignore her femininity.

I then began to think about how uncomfortable some cis men get around men who are gay. Cis men often say things like, "I don't care if the dude is gay, as long as he keeps that shit over there," meaning, "he can be gay (not really though), but I don't want him trying to make a move on me," (ignoring the fact that, not only is this what cis men often do to women, but the said gay man probably has zero interest in making a move on him anyways). Cis straight men who say stuff like this believe that it demonstrates just how "straight" they are when in fact, it highlight their insecurities; yet they continue to stay cloaked in toxic masculinity.

I thought about Jen too. Now to be honest, I don't know all that much about her because we haven't had any in depth conversations, but she seems like a pretty dope person. To my knowledge, she is not queer. Nevertheless, she comes across as someone who is herself, unapologetically, which is probably something Jim admires about her. My thing is, if she were unapologetically femme, I don't believe he would admire her quite as much.

As a queer black woman, I find that I am constantly moving along the spectrum of femininity and masculinity. I have become hyper aware of when I am exuding one at a higher frequency than the other. I feel most confident when I am radiating femme energy, reserved and to myself when I am exuding what I perceive to be masculine energy, and happiest when there is somewhat of a balance.

I do not believe that one (Mas or Femme) belongs to or should be reserved for any one gender. I believe that all people have it within them to be mobile along the spectrum; the reason why most cis men don't tend to/ don't tend to think so has to do with how they are socialized. As a result, cis men fear/are threatened by femme energy both internally and externally. This in turn makes it very difficult for them to not only love themselves fully, but to fully love those in their lives who proudly embrace their femininity.

xoxo
YW

Come for me gently. Leave a comment below so we can discuss.